April 09

Frances keeps moving the bedroom around. She has just been for a walk. She moved the chaise langue from the curved window to by the door. Before the walk Ned and Ted were in the kitchen having lunch. Frances had to do up her flies as she was standing by the Aga. Ned picked the Cornish pasty up in her fingers and put it in the fridge. Ben has gone to lunch with the Trellises. Bun picked up a scotch pie in Crieff and beryl said she wanted one but that she’d already had lunch. Bun wanted to use the masher on the soup but Ned wouldn’t let him. She helped herself and said he could mash it after that. Bun didn’t use the masher in the end. There was talk about game keepers but Frances wasn’t listening. Frances looked at the back of Ted’s hair. Frances made Ned a cup of tea. Frances was washing up when Ted arrived, he got in at just the same time as the bin men. Frances thought this was good irony. She isn’t very charitable. Frances washed her hair before lunch so she was threading it out in her fingers. She sat down and then stood up intermittently, coming in and going out of the kitchen in between cigarettes. Frances told her story about the man at the garage. Ned was wearing a green cards that Frances used to have one similar to. Frances looked at the dangly. It at the bottom of the zip. Frances interrupted the general holiday discussion by saying she was going for a walk. Frances keeps thinking of the Paul O’Grady show. Beryl asked Ned and Ted if they were coming on holiday this year. Frances said weren’t they going to Italy after the international call to Nicholas. They had found him on the internet. Francs said her computer had broken, and she made the ee-ee noise. She may have to take it to Glasgow. Frances went to the post office this morning but couldn’t be bothered to garden. Her keyboard has also broken, the batteries don’t work. Frances said did Gen want to come and see Jimmy Carr. Frances has two tickets. She opened some mail from the festival hall when she was there. Frances saw Ponty and her boyfriend in the square and said did they want to have a look. She said it in a high voice as if the invitation was to see puppies. Frances got I her car and drove back. She could not get hold of Margaret the monthly nurse. Frances doesn’t mean she’s a monthly nurse but she comes every two weeks. Frances’s computer broke last night and that’s why she went to the post office. Frances had lost the leaflet for discount shares. She put it outside the kitchen when Phil gave it to her. There may be some disappointment, it was a telegraph offer. Frances is quite far through her forty cigarettes. She wants to drive up Ned and Ted’s drive all the way. She did this once but no one else tends to. Frances hasn’t been invited to supper the same night as the Cone-Mountains. They’re going on a golf lesson on Friday and then out to dinner at Gleneagles. Margaret wanted to meet on Friday but Frances said that day was written off. Frances saw the bicycle pump and thought about throwing it away because it was rusty. The shute was out so she pushed it in, but it seems to work so she left it. She went into the kitchen for some coffee and then went into the dining room to get the Easter egg lamb called Lucy. The head fell off when she opened the packet. She bit it’s ears off and then made to leave the kitchen eating the rest of the head, but her teeth made it fall apart onto the floor and she spilled her coffee. So she tried to get the dog to eat the chocolate crumbs. It recoiled in its basket, licking its bottom all of a sudden. Frances mopped up some of the coffee and then went upstairs. She had to go to the loo. Then she dropped her pen and this made cough. Then she got heart ache, but only very briefly. Frances wonders who the lamb is, if it isn’t Jesus. A pigeon coos outside. She swigs her coffee and puts the cup onto her broken computer. Then she burps, the lawn mower has gone into the distance. She avoided it when she went for her walk, climbing down over the wall and then to the park. Frances went round the gardens with the dog. Bun and Beryl have gone to Gleneagles to talk to the golf pro, the car has left. Ban hasn’t got back from her lunch with the Trellises. Frances was given a voucher for the Electric shop. She wonders where she put it. She sucks the nib of her pen. The dotted I didn’t dot properly on the word nib. She had to re dot it. Frances didn’t know what to draw so she copied the front of the crayons packet. That didn’t work very well, so she just did some diamonds. Frances became a fan of Lionel and George Clooney on Facebook and Cameron Diaz. Frances got coloured chalk other shawl cardigan. She’s done a page of stripes and then smudged them into each other. Frances looked at Jan and John’s children on Facebook. She left a gap at the bottom of the colours. Frances had a bath and put her pants on back to front. She used the exfoliation around her shoulders, the free product from. crabtree with eucalyptus in it. Frances socks have worn through on the purple one, she is wearing odd socks today. Frances bought three pairs from the riding shop. When she was at Halliburton it came to pass that Den had Mark Todd boots on. Frances told him that she had her Todd socks on. Frances has got red hands from having a hot bath. She is using the free pen she got at the FSA lecture at the electric hotel. Frances always wanted to have a job with a security tag around her neck. Frances will have to out all the crayons back in their sockets. They are lying higgle-ty piggle-ty. Frances woke up to trotter at dawn this morning. Perhaps she’ll invite him to the polo ball. Frances is taking risks in her car, she drove up Ned’s drive and scraped the bottom, so she took it to the garage as an outing of blatantly flagging the rules. The OT lady arrived at 2 and then drove away thinking the place was flats because of the size and number of cars. Frances took her to the post office and the lady suggested B and B. She thought Frances was fit and well. Frances was woken by Bun at 10 after she had fallen asleep from the wake at dawn. She went riding this afternoon. She told him to go away because she was not up yet. She had a red cheek on her right face. Frances wants to watch the news at seven. She has just had a bath but still feels cold. She is wearing an odd assortment of layers and matching socks. She got cold on the ride and rode Cleo who was scared of Pamina. She was last behind Theo. Frances notes her writing is more fluent. She got a call from Beryl who was feeding her children. Frances pulled a safety pin out of the carpet this morning. She made a man angry at the garage by asking him to reverse. Frances needs to phone the DVLA. She isn’t sure if she’s going to lie or have to. Frances feels a bit excited and a bit sick. She is thinking about the wedding and doing the disco. Perhaps it’s all made up about the face munch. In the bath Frances was thinking of the stresses of youth, the struggles of falling in love that pale into insignificance with age. She isn’t concentrating properly to focus what she thinks here, it’s to do with attending discos and leaving after the party. Frances said that she thinks she has ME at supper because she is so lazy. Frances had risotto and peas for supper. Frances watched the news and there was a thing about electric cars. Frances had a second hot bath after the news. It is 10 o’clock. Friday 17th. Frances is trying to remember what Brenda asked her to do on Saturday. Something tondo with quiche perhaps. Frances can cook two dishes; that and pavlova. The caster sugar had run out last visit to supermarket so she had to use Billington’s brown sugar that didn’t sweetness the meringue. Beryl has been taken to dancing this morning and Frances said good luck and she said why. Saturday. Frances found an old jacket in the cupboard so she wore it to Gleneagles for the golf lesson. Beryl said Frances looked quite good and they went round the shopping boutiques to find a nice cashmere jumper for Frances who had her handbag with her. The boutiques were closed so they had to look through the window. Frances hit a ball 150 yards on the driving range. She took her jacket off to get a better swing even though it was cold. Frances is a bit disappointed that otter is married. It may resolve to invite him anyway. It’s because of Graham, she has to check who he is with otter. Frances is a bit saturated with Rod Stewart from her iPod, she has become unable to decipher the love codes of songs to sleep to. Frances got confused with Ned’s stunt with a Dinka dot. Frances ate curry at dinner and she coughed when Ted was about to say ‘hoover’. Ned’s spot on her forehead began to bleed. This doesn’t mean much to Frances although it may have something to do with ouija boards and finding secrets about Frances from an arms length. Frances is stood I the kitchen in her action clothes, the ones she’s worn for all the riding and golf activities. She may have to put them in the wash. But her other ones aren’t fashionable. Frances nearly left her D&G sunglasses behind at dinner. The waiter was kind enough to bring them to her. Frances wonders where everyone would stay if they came to the ball. Frances wonders if anyone will agree to come. Frances doesn’t know what to write. Her Christmas pen from Emma Bridgwater has run out. She wonders if she can find a refill. Frances keeps going to the toilet before she is in the clear. The disco man was all hers but she let it slide. Yo going into the porta loo. This give Frances a coughing fit. Today is Saturday and there’s a tractor going past. Beryl is listening to Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. It’s from utube on the computer. Frances stomach is rumbling. Frances feels a bit weak today. She woke at 4am and put the light from the spare bedroom off. She had left it on when she got changed for bed. She turned her iPod on and felt a spot on her pituitary gland. Although it was very distant. Yesterday Frances went into Crieff and a man stuck his tongue out at her as she crossed the road. Frances noticed there wasn’t anyone manning the desk in the solicitors office so perhaps she could go and work there. Her cv is on her computer so she may have to design a new one. Frances missed Gen’s call that he returned to her. She had sent him a text apologising for being a bunny boiler because Frances had asked Gen’s wife to come on a date with her to see Jimmy Carr. That’s going to happen in June. Frances has four coffee cups in her bedroom. She needs to take them all to the dishwasher. Frances keeps thinking of the angel she saw and wonders who is going to emerge from all this travesty. The FSA pen says ‘make the most of your money’. Frances wants a boyfriend that can house her with a pony and some stables, sending long range faxes and text messages about his homecoming. Frances will subsidy on soup and Parma ham and melon, doing portraiture in her spare time, even though she can’t paint. Frances straightened things out embarrassingly with Gen who she told she was trying not to be a bunny boiler though she was disingenuous and he was confused. Frances saw some Audis on the road on her rear view mirror. She turned out the junction making the second Audi have to slow down to let her accelerate. Frances stuck her head out of the window to have a cigarette and a bumble bee made her cringe away from it. Frances didn’t have a plate at lunch so she had to get her own from the cupboard. She wants to go to Glasgow to have her computer mended. Frances was smoking out the window but Beryl came round the corner with Abba so she ducked inside and went downstairs. Frances read Core’s article again at lunch because she only skimmed it first time. Frances wants to fill her book with funny stories but doesn’t have any. Frances looks out the window from the loo and sees the dog digging at the rails from the slide. All the grass is being turfed out. Frances saw a van that was from a marquee company yesterday and had hopes for a wedding. She may have gone too strong on the yellow for the walls of her sitting room. Ban has gone to Abernyte for something this afternoon and won’t be back till six. Frances saw the plasterer when she went to the post office yo charge her mobile phone. She is looking forward to Pam coming back. Frances let the door close behind her when she was coming out of the golf club after dinner. Ned and Ted were behind her. She let it ease. Frances wonders where she is going to take Abba this afternoon. All the sheep are in all the fields. Frances still hasn’t taken her cups downstairs. There is still a pea in the hall. No one seems to have kicked it or hoovered it out of the way. gen told Frances to have a good day. This implies she has bad ones. This isn’t a bad one, only an empty normal one. Beryl is bouncing on the trampoline. Frances thinks she’ll take her cups down and go for a walk. She sits with her arms folded looking at the cups. She opened the diary again after closing it thinking it was a point to note. Frances has just sent a message to James saying she’s dying to get married. Frances doesn’t expect to hear back but she couldn’t resist saying so in case. Frances has just had a hot bath. She has left her action clothes in a heap on the chair ready to be washed. She was in the library watching Peter Pan with Beryl half an hour ago and the dog had barked at the nanny dog on the telly. Tom has died and Frances just said at supper that she was scared of him a bit and that she felt flushes of love for him. She watched the setting sun and felt that he was just around the corner. Frances ate prawns and cuttlefish and Caesar salad so she didn’t pine. Frances has found her Faber & Castell pencil in her brief case. ban and Beryl didn’t understand what Frances meant when she said she felt flushes of love for him and so Frances said it twice to blend the confusion. Frances is bemused at the loss of life at such a young age. Bun is up at Nochy and Frances had to breathe deeply at 9.11 as she looked at the clock and it was trying to make her cough. This is for saying the bad thing about the fear she holds for him which she knows she doesn’t really mean. Frances feels tired. She went to Buchanty loch this afternoon. There were children all over the standing stones. Frances reversed her ear through the gate quite unusually. She has just phoned to say how sorry she is about Tom. Frances didn’t say goodby to Ned and Ted this afternoon. She went to pick up her mobile and then go to the loch for a walk. She felt as though she was letting everyone in in some way by the determination she took along the road on foot. Frances imagines painting or something with an easel. There was beautiful light coming through to the feet of the larch trees. Frances tries pulling her pencil apart. She went in and watched Britain has talent but left the room after the footballer got it wrong. Something about mad or Amanda. Frances may have to take another bath. She had a sore heart when she phoned up to sympathise about the brother. Frances didn’t want the chills to affect her. Sunday. Frances may have to marry an intellectual someone to indulge her with lateral thought checks because Frances thinks very laterally. She isn’t sure what the word means and she didn’t manage to get the printer to work. It’s something to do with Tom the way that fruit pies could relate to Hadrian’s boyfriend. Frances is hanging around again. Frances invited herself to lunch with spam. She scratched the zest off the lemon from Spain and ate steak pie with crunchy chips from the blue dish. After lunch spam found a newt and put it in the black bucket just like the horse bucket. Frances sat on the yellow ring from the back of the car while the children scrambled over her. She found a verruca on a small foot and said to get it seen to. Frances came back to Abercairny and ate prawns and roulade from the fridge. She had a chocolate mousse and then lay in the sun. When Beryl and Bun got back they bought her a chocolate magnum, the dreaded ice cream that is beyond the bounds of feeling, but that it tasted quite good. Frances thinks she should have gone for blue in her room. Pam said the yew tree was ready to be collected from Glasgow. Frances had rung up to say she was staying for lunch and Beryl said do you think that’s a good idea. This made Frances hang up on her. Frances has invited Len and core to the polo ball in August using her mobile phone. She trawled the email messages for ages to scroll back to January when one of them said hello from Kansas. Frances has just put her action clothes in the wash. Cigarette ends fell out of the pocket. There was a man in the garage that made Frances grind her gears on the way up the sma glen. It was open topped and Frances was too keen to follow the glamour chicks out for a Sunday drive. Frances keeps cleaning out her ears with her fingers and with needles. It’s almost as compulsive as smoking. Frances does this whenever she gets a moment. Frances had a bath and knocked the empty Radox bottle over. She was swigging the dregs from the coke can as she lay in the bath. Frances stayed in too long, getting out after 8 o’clock. She then went and put a bundle of clothes covered in dust from the building works at the post office. She put them into the washing machine. She intends to bring the clothes down in stages. She must get her sewing kit to repair all the hems and sleeves that she has cut off with scissors. Frances went through a stage of readjusting her wardrobe with creative scissors but on the whole she has done damage. Frances went into the kitchen with three fag ends and a wrapper from a cream egg to put them in the bin. She interrupted a conversation between Beryl and Bon who were discussing somebody. On her way back from the post office a cat crossed the road. On her way to the post Office was a large thoughtful man walking along the road. She checked him in her rear view mirror. Frances wonders about her predicament with cars and accidents. Tom was caught up with a motorcycle. There is a difficult route to everything with Frances she only has eureka moments in bed. Apart from the other day when she stood underneath her car on the ramp and said ooh. Frances wonders where the footpath is from the standing stones down to the village. Frances told herself not to go over 40mph on the way to the village, but on the way back she did. She washed up some pans after dinner but they were slimy so she had to use her cardigan to open the seal of the milk. She collected her phone at the post office so she wouldn’t have to go there tomorrow when Gen is there. There is a chip on the rim of Frances cup. Monday. Frances cut her fingernails but one of the clippings fell on the floor. The rest went straight into the bin. Frances reads an email from Ecotricity saying the price is falling in 1st May and could she take a reading. Frances lay on the trampoline and heard the car taking the ladies home at 1 o’clock. Frances went to Crieff and drove through a red light at the road works. She has Jacqueline du pre on the cd in her car and she has the volume up loud. She always turns the volume up. Frances went into the kitchen and finished the prawns from the fridge and had some mortadella in her fingers. There was a fly with exceptionally long legs on the trampoline. Ben came back with some shopping. Frances watched her unload the boot from her de-missed bench. The dog sniffed the boot but didn’t jump in. Frances swept the bench after she’d used a twig and a metal stick to scrape off the overgrowth. Brian came to visit after a funeral at lunch time. Frances showed him her picture and he said it was disconnected. Frances was afraid her underarm smells and the cleaning lady had been a bit pungent at coffee time. Frances sent a text to Brian saying to ring her if he needs advice. Frances has cut her toe nails, not all the clippings went into the bin. Frances seems to remember going with Tom to meet Stephen Hawkings. She just saw the news and Stephen is in hospital. Frances was on the edge of her seat to hear Martin Amis talk about the death of JG Ballard. She likes being afraid of him for all the promise she is unable to substantiate. He didn’t look into the camera and then he did. Frances has just had another hot bath. There was something about the sexuality of car crashes, another intellectual answer to suit Frances. She found a meteorite this afternoon on the bench that she cleared the moss from. It looks volcanic but she turned the television on before 6.30 and saw an episode of home and away and there was some fiasco about a nerd with a catapult. It turns out that Bun has never heard of JG Ballard or Stephen Hawkins. This makes Frances feel quite superior. She has just had chicken and cauliflower for supper. There must be a gap in the psyche for all the know who’s. Frances has become a prolific member of Facebook with hearsay friends that she never sends messages to. She thinks the meteorite she found is a letter from Stephen hawking and Tom, this makes her a visionary. There is no use trying to calibrate the men that Frances yearns for, all of whom are otherwise engaged. On occasion she wakes at night to love vibes, but the cause they relate to evades even her. Frances is very solitary and desperate, being jealous of hug watching and hand holding, being empty headed for the passage of traffic that goes by. Why is Frances so heavily into ears? Frances had a neat black polo with an ineffectual MP3 player. She has decided she does not like Kirsty Maccoll. She listened to her last night and heard the taunts. Frances writes science fiction, a realm of depicting the ordinary flow with tingles and pinches, marking the passage of the minuscule news that receive no headlines. Frances is becoming a sooth sayer to some extent, measuring her deeds to tiny tribes of focused events, randomising the elite habits of observation into lines that prove junctions and causeways to the solar effect; raising the lamp to figurative pros by night and day, wandering through the uncertainty of meaningfulness. Frances electrifies this blank verse with notions to quell the absence of motherhood. The best compliment she received exalted her worries to a tender respect and presumed she had reason to claim abandonment. Frances addresses her self same particulars with admonition. Why is she a saint. Frances has been calmly chucked by core by car messages. She was behind a rover on the way to Crieff and then a car that said one on the number plate on the way back.His is for having listened to pritt last night during the proclaimed with the wrist touches of settlement. Frances doesn’t want to be the third party and nor does core. Is Frances a version of miss piggy. The main problem is there is very little to connect Frances to core, she had heard this on the radio combination which is very chalky. 27th. Frances rang to licensing when her phone battery was low. She renewed it or started a new one from 1st April. She logged on to read boris Johnson talking about Shakespearean tax. Frances woke at 5am in a sweat about her files being read. She keeps thinking about hackers who are anyone from children to the tv licensing people. Frances is always under investigation and she wonders why she doesn’t delete the files or scrap her diary. She is getting chalk smudges all over her trousers. Bun wants access to talk to the doctors but Frances hasn’t given permission. Frances put a bid in for the flat at 65k, she talked to Mr Miele after 3 after Pam had been to deliver the presents. Frances got some rainbow paper, some candles, a manicure set and some soap. She went for a walk with the dog and scared the sheep. She keeps thinking of Jennifer and Joanna who are campaigning for the Gurkhas. Frances smiled in the park thinking about Kenneth Branagh, she also thought of him at inch rake. When she was in the park she got a spiked feeling on her shin, the mark of territory for Frances and her competitors. Frances is feeling very weak and floppy. Pam had woken her up when she had come to bring the presents. Frances had a bath this morning and there was a bird at the window. Frances had two different bowls of soup for lunch and a sausage in half a piece of bread to cause less fibre. Frances filled her tank yesterday to £50.15. It was £40.33 before the cigarettes. She watched the television awards before supper but not again after supper. All the co test ants were saying wow. Fry said he knew Frances was getting presence for Christmas. Frances went into space N Apothecary when she visited London she thought about getting Miller a present. She bought the wrong shade of red, but at least it wasn’t for her. She asked Miller if she liked nail varnish and she said no. She kept the varnish in her bag and then decided to put it on. She didn’t like the colour so after their walk in Richmond park Frances made sure she bought some nail polish remover which she used before the outing to the cinema to go and see sly dog millionaire. Frances bought some olive oil, a present instead of the nail varnish. She also bought some taramasalata and blinis that she scraped onto the blinis in a very unsavoury style with the side of a knife. The Swedish au pairs didn’t want to eat the blinis and they had their own crisps and Frances was watching them eagerly to see if they would eat the blinis. Frances has just been told to stop putting off Beryl who is in the kitchen painting. Frances can hear the rain outside. Frances just the fan club of Jennifer and Joanna and the Gurkha page on Facebook. She got a message from Roseleen saying happy birthday. Frances scratches the back of her neck. Frances is going to babysit for the ores on Wednesday till Sunday, they are going on an airplane. Frances won’t have much to do, she got copious directions of how to get there. She knows it’s somewhere past the T junction. Aero bars and airplanes, airplane. Frances has just had another bath. She washed off the crystals that she put on her arms this morning at 12. She got out of the bath at 6. Frances went to the kitchen and saw that Beryl had nearly finished the cake. There’s going to be champagne at 8 this evening at Nochy. Frances should have been on Facebook this afternoon. She keeps wondering if she’ll go on an art course. Frances doesn’t think her portraits are very good but she can’t help looking at them. They’re kind of interesting as a triptych. Frances likes that word, it’s one she learned when she did history of art at Edinburgh. Frances once did a very good speech in front of a painting and she made the water move. Frances had a notion about the man painting the Rembrandt in the gallery but she turned out to be a witch under the spell of influence. Frances wonders how her interest draw the spheres of onlookers. Frances does osmosis to unhealthy and extreme beauty. She likes the heroes on her Facebook page and yet she doesn’t reward herself very often with compliments. Francs tries to assuage herself that what she is doing is unique and original, actions like going down the stairs and going along corridors. Frances doesn’t matter to herself as she might, she has less of a degree of self effacement, whatever that is. Frances conducts the smiling syllable, monitoring her observations with irony and strains of want, being against the advice that she isn’t, for Frances denies that she thinks right. After all, she is! This doesn’t mean anything but Frances doesn’t want to go to Tom’s funeral anymore. She thinks she is scared of him properly. Frances noticed the sun set as high as the clouds sometimes and other times it sets to the land, both horizons. Frances’s led fell off after the scare, she put it back in the pencil and kept on writing. She has to find another pen to scribble with. She isn’t frightened. Frances drinks from the horizon of her cup and is glad she is a comedian. 29th. Frances has found a pen in the flower room and she has finally got around to writing the thank you letter to Caesar. She prayed the Lord’s Prayer on her birthday but behaved poorly the following day by postponing her walk so she did a jumbo on the loo just after the flat offer had been accepted. She also bought cigarettes when she had prayed to give up. Frances bought an orang Utah for Harry who is coming to lunch with his mother. She thinks he’ll love him or be terrified of him, it’s a puppet. Frances tried being a comedian with smiles in her car, she followed a fencing lorry on the way back from Crieff. She bought a paper and some cigarettes this morning as well as some cards with pictures of cows. Frances got the flat for £74k including the plasma telly and the couches. She took photos of Beryl’s painting on her iPhone. She didn’t think the main picture was as true a likeness as the one with dots. Frances has bought filo pastry to make a quiche for lunch. Frances wonders how she can link up to Kenneth Branagh through Rachel, she has passed a message through Sharon whose number she has on her mobile. Frances saw a man in the car park this morning who was wearing what she thought was a red nose but it had turned out to be a bottle of fizzy with a red top. Frances had to wait outside somber fields while the men filled the cash machine. Then she went back to the post office. She smoked lots of cigarettes. Frances went for a walk after her jumbo yesterday and saw some deer in the park. They were very magical and one of them turned its head backwards to look at her. Frances drove in front of a hearse on the way to the post office yesterday morning. Frances intends to give up smoking when she is house sitting and is unable to go and buy them. Frances apologised to the post man after giving him a fright yesterday. She got a birthday card from her grandmother. Just after Jean came to see the pots and Frances took her to the stables. Jean stood with her legs wide apart while Francis talked about clematis to the gardener, she wanted some cuttings but she leaked the conversation. The wedding is going to be at Birnam. Frances got the tractor to bring pots out of the stables, they’re made of cement. Frances thinks about the actress that says she doesn’t know what it’s like to be tortured. Frances thinks about her brain, she listened to are than Franklin last night and eventually fell asleep. She watched Ban being disappointed as she opened a parcel from China with a juicy couture bag in it. It was pink with chain handles and looked a bit naff and a bit second hand. Gen wanted a key for the front door so he could unload things directly. Frances bought coleslaw to go with the quiche. Jean baffled Frances by talking nineteen to the dozen about her grandchildren and dyslexia. One of them got into Stowe. Frances wore the old fashioned tartan dress when she went to dinner at Nochy. She didn’t take much interest in the web page for the blog. Frances is glad she got her to license. Frances abused her prayer to the almighty by going bund the praises and buying cigarettes, she was going to give up. She wrote at 6 and smoked yesterday. She talked to Sandra who manages to go 3 hours without when she comes and cleans. 30th April. Frances went home last night. She was supposed to sleep at the house sitting job. She decided that the aga was too cold, so she rang Beryl and Bun she went home and had warm spaghetti from the pan on the aga. The alarm wasn’t put on, but Frances found the bothy shed open when she came back this morning. She sat about in the kitchen yesterday and put off watching the telly. She got up at 6.30 am and at just before 9am she found a fleshy bulbous spider in the sink that made her feel a bit sick. Frances had just been out to put the pony out but Annette was there busily mucking out. Frances introduced herself quite late in the day and had clearly neglected to mucking out. Frances went round the pony field and put the poos over the fence. Frances has a list of instructions to do, she must feed the cat. There’s a plastic pot with an indelible line on it, Frances filled the Iams to the level and poured a portion into it. Frances went out and put Annette off, she was beginning to lunge the pony. Frances has been assigned to sleep in The child’s bedroom. When she arrived at dinner she said she’d rather sleep in the spare room. Frances has bought her car with her. Frances flicks through a copy of standpoint. She got up at 6.30am yesterday morning and scrubbed the kitchen table. She had the eggs and a piece of toast at 8.30. Frances felt cold yesterday but she has five layers on today. She went for a walk to strathallan and smiled at a man in a tractor. Frances has to listen to a water timer going tickety tick the whole time. Frances has to listen to the goldfish water filter as well. She looks at the terracotta tiles on the floor. They are cold and hard. There is a croquet set standing on the lawn. Frances opened the Chinese oil when she fried her eggs for yesterday’s breakfast. There are four Branley apples in the cylinder jar. Frances reads Michael stipe’s 10 worst things in the back of the magazine, something about Dick Cheney. Frances uses a cup that’s from the hook. It was dusty because it doesn’t get used. There’s a room with a pub football in it, one of those tables with men at the waist. Frances sent a text to Tanya saying she was house sitting for the man in the red face and husky coat. Franc s thinks the house is a mini Abercairny. Frances imagines having to move into the house and here she is. She doesn’t like it very much, lots of utility room. Frances cleaned the sink by the cat. His wife isn’t physically able to scrub and there doesn’t appear to be a cleaner. Frances looks at her watch and it’s only 10.30. She was shown how to feed the pony. The spoon has string on it to hang it up. Frances used it to stir in the sugar beet. She filled up the kettle but doesn’t think it’s going to boil. Frances threw out quite a few things from the fridge, some mashed potato and old tuna fish. There’s a haddock mornay specially chosen by them for Frances to eat. Frances is listening to the radio. She went into Auchterader to get some cigarettes though she stopped for 24 hours. The telephone rang and there is an alarm system that rings in the stables and outside, Frances was smoking. No one left a message. Frances has a spot at the corner of her mouth. She went and had a bath at 11am and the phone rang twice with no messages. The cat has just been sick down the side of the boiler. The dog is standing on the patio outside looking into the kitchen wagging its tail. Frances lets it in. It goes to its wooden crate by the cat flap. The writing says dons dogs on it. The fridge starts up. The dog licks its paw. The rooms upstairs are open because Frances opened the doors although they were shut when she was showed to her room. Apparently the cat sits in the dogs bed and takes up all the room but the cat is in its own basket. Frances saw the trailer to desperate housewives, something about covering up. Frances finds uncovering a stressful thing so she whittled down the ransoms to salvage the blame. Frances eats some furry beetroot soup from the fridge, it’s cold. There’s a salt lick in the field for the horse. Frances didn’t fill the water bucket up last night. Frances thinks of the word Persephone and Clive James. Frances is pleased to be friends of Richard pc. Frances thinks she’ll meet Joanna Lumley though Pinocchio the woman that had a toy shop wants to grow mushroom. Frances talked with her about fairies in the kitchen. This kitchen has a marble whirly gig in it with Rose’s lime and Tiptrees raspberry jam. Frances had a fly in her bath. She thinks the goldfish look a bit peaky because she isn’t feeding them at the proper time. She’s supposed to feed them at night with the tank light on. It’s 11.30 and it’s daytime and she’s just turned the light on to feed them. The magazine says ‘keep it together’. Frances needs to fill the bird feeder. Frances shrieked at the swallows in the barn and got them to fly out the door, she did lots of clapping at them and then went ‘yelp’. She filled the bird feeder and the nuts went on the top of the freezer and on the floor. Frances just saw the blue tits go for the nuts and grains, the grains are in the clear plastic feeder and the nuts are in the wire grid feeder. She was shown the ‘twitchers’. Frances can’t stop complaining about being here. Frances watches loose women who complain about domestic violence. Frances took 20 minutes to cook an egg and she opened the ham and the jar of hellman’s. Frances isn’t very hungry. She sent a message to Pandora to ask her to the polo ball. Frances said could she bring Kenneth Branagh. Frances needs to ask Sharon to get back to her about Rachel. She signed for 2 packages this morning. Frances may like to go for a walk. Frances sent a message to Jonny saying she’d shout him a coffee. Giles Brandreth from countdown says its to do with murder, someone clubbing someone else over the head with a frozen leg of lamb. Frances goes upstairs and bathes her feet and then puts her gym shoes in the aga. She took the dog for a walk and got wet so now she is cold. Frances watched Hanover street with Harrison ford in it. Frances ate the fife ice cream from the freezer, but she is pouring away the beetroot soup during the love scene. She thinks of the men’s waders hanging from the rafters in the barn. Frances keeps telling the dog to get into the kitchen. She doesn’t have any hot water to make a cup of coffee. Beech you head is a reference to nag. Frances wonders if the cat needs to go to the vet. Frances got a tingly bottom watching countdown and this inculcates her. She washed up the frying pan and picks up the cat sick in her fingers, she does this in reverse order. Frances could go onto Facebook again. When Frances went for a walk with the dog it caught a pheasant. Frances reassured it and set it free. Frances told the dog off by growling at it even though she quite enjoyed holding the pheasant. She got there just in time. It’s got to do with eating somebody else’s leftovers. Frances rummages on an apple pie. She made friends with Lexi who is all beautiful and quite a socialite. Frances doesn’t know if she’ll hear back from the girl about being square and cool. Frances is not square but she is gothic cool, that makes her square. Frances wonders if she’ll marry a younger man. Frances doesn’t have any party invites. There’s revoltingness about the host, a blushing love that calls the shots of how liked Frances snips for there are plans to beat down the weak woman to let in the stronger one. Frances is feeling old and is glad she won’t ever have to live here. Frances may have to compose a note to say what a nice time she has had. Frances is the sort of person that does health checks by looking at her pants when she goes to the loo. 1st may. Frances told Bun and Ban about the spider in the sink being the size of a bumble bee. Frances has just taken the horse and the dog together on a walk. Frances had lots of messages on Facebook today and this made her quite excited. She should not have overtaken a horse lorry in a rush on her way; there’s an event on at strathallan, and she waved at a posh man in a land rover. Frances left the light to the fish tank on all night. The aga has gone cold. She talked to Miller on the Internet and arranged to phone in the afternoon. Frances has just done the washing up. She drove back to the post office to collect her kettle. She walked all over the new screed. She left footprints. Frances found Leon and joe on the Internet and this makes her quite happy. She may ask the. To the Perth ball. Frances finds it quite provoking to be a friend of Henry because he is a clairvoyant. Frances hears aping I the kitchen. Frances bought a flask of nettle soup that had been got out of the deep freeze. Frances keeps thinking about Giles Brandreth but she is trained to cover everything up. Frances is looking at her shoe that the dog has put in its basket. She hasn’t made her bed since yesterday, or Thursday rather. Frances yanked the pony in an obstinate way around the gate and couldn’t be bothered to turn the horse politely, she nudged it with the five bar. Frances is always hungry for signs. She saw a baby duck on the road fly low before the bumper. Frances needs to get an MOT for her car. It keeps bleeping when the ignition goes on, there’s a spanner. Frances has invited Eem to the polo ball and accepted Mary’s invite to the sunflower ball. Frances has thrown away the mince in the fridge. She has cleared out the onion and iceberg lettuce and she has put some Jif around. Frances noticed a leak in the kettle that happens when she pours. Frances watched the two fat ladies on the cookery program. She is glad to see them both. Frances sent a message to James saying sorry for her panting message to his wife. Frances looks at the dusty candlesticks on the window ledge. They aren’t as tasteful. The pot next to it is. This is the sort of haberdashery that happens in conservative homes, the classic objects next to the every day dissolves, normal things that haven’t been luxuriated. The taste here is utilitarian with lots of terracotta tiles that. She the room cold. Frances isn’t sure if she had to pay for her floor tiles because of the refund on the glue. She hopes she has got them scotch free. Frances should t have given the horse hay I the field on Thursday morning. Frances wants to open the lid of the silver polish perhaps it needs to b washed up. Frances got her gym shoes wet when she went out this morning. Frances doesn’t care about investigating, it’s all allowed to bodge. Franc s could divert her attention to construction. Frances gave the kettle a good clean. Why does she always have to talk about Australia. Frances has done about ten years of temping to no avail. She creates a mountain of fear by keeping a diary that doesn’t really say what she means. Frances looks at the photograph of Susan Boyle on the front of The Week. Frances wonders if she could join a choir. Frances has to put all her interests on to Facebook. She has got 214 friends. Frances wonders who is supposed to stand up to these people. She eats ham and hellman’s from the fridge. In the bathroom there’s a picture of Scrooge and a ghost of jacob Morley. There was a cook called Mrs moraley that Frances scared the living daylights out of. Frances is watching Joan Collins on the telly. They’ve got mud packs on their faces. It’s the film version of the Flint stones. It’s got puppets and animation amongst humans. Viva Rock Vegas. Franc so thinks the adverts are aimed at her. There’s one for a hair product, then Arnold Clark. Then record A to Z. Then stv jobs.com. Then a sofa advert from DFS. Then hair colour nice n easy. Perfect 10 Clairol. Then your house the nations weekly payment store. Then fill it bang. Then safari weekend to Saturday and Sunday. Then troth Yaris that sponsors itv movies. Frances feels bad about disposing of all her jewels. What possessed her? It could be a gay gesture losing femininity. Frances wonders how feminine she is, not very. She sees a moth. Adverts, a wedding thing, shopping in Perth. Then coralline the nightmare b fore Christmas, then Vanish. Frances thinks about women waiting at home for husbands to return, resting in the kitchen. Frances doesn’t know how they do it. Frances thinks about jail and car crashes, mar had an accident. Frances is writing twaddle. Frances is drinking black coffee. She has just joined the Ralph Fiennes fan page. Frances feels quite weak. She is looking at the clock, it’s 6.45, no 5.45. She may go home early today. Frances sees a horse lorry go by. 2nd May. Frances is watching Patrick Stewart on Sunday am. Why is the man asking questions he already knows the answer to? The continuing search for hope. Frances likes this. Clive James was on the radio and he says its to do with digging underground. Theres someone called Mr Johnson but it isn’t boris. Frances has just eaten ham and hellman’s without bread. They are discussing swine flu. O. Her way back from Auchterader Frances a saw some fascists walking their Doberman in a family group. She got back to see an archbishop on the television. Frances has just moved outside but the wind had got up and the sun had gone in. The dog sticks its head out of the cat flap. Frances went upstairs to make her bed to the tune of one night in heaven. A penny dropped in the Money box, or else there’s a poltergeist. Frances whistled at the dog and made it excited, it jumped up on the table. The cat is returning through the garden. Frances has a cup of tea in the sun. What more could she ask for? She is sitting at the picnic bench on the patio. Frances has cold damp feet. There’s bird food all over the ground. Frances sat In the office looking at Facebook. Frances needs to contact Morris and young to sort her taxes out. Frances is the proud owner of a flat in Crieff. Frances did the second behind the first, she is scribbling, writing, cribbling. She missed out the s for cribbling. Frances thinks of the Lord’s Prayer when she starts damning things. The pony doesn’t feel much attachment to Frances, she couldn’t really be bothered with it. On a number of occasions Frances has reminded the dog that it is just a dog, just because it looks at her with human eyeballs in a mock gesture. Frances has often grappled with science and the possibility that people get turned into animals in the lab. Frances knows this is monstrous but she was at the post office. she imagined her curtain blind rollers were the remains of a war prisoner. The phone rings at 11.30 and it’s a health worker leaving a message for Miller to go and have a check up. Frances got a moustache of love last night. She woke up to the light of the moon and set the alarm off. She set it off again at 8.39 am, she doesn’t know the code. Frances doesn’t seem to care if she does share the blame, she can see herself sharing the grave of a hanged man. Frances thinks she deserves the reputation of wrongfully misjudged. And yet rightly so, she doesn’t care with the manner to which she attends things. The reason for this is traditionally cowardice. Frances cannot understand the world without a problem. She uses her carelessness to defend a selfish nugget that leaves her penniless and confused. Frances loves the idea of not knowing the sequence of death itself. This chills Frances but she writes to experiment. She had every chance to come clean but she dashed it in. The two fat ladies make a cake with a ring in it, something to do with epiphany. Frances seems to remember this cake, the person who got the ring was king of the feast. The gas to the aga was designed to run out when Frances got here. She has chosen the difficult route of being subj cited to the natural disaster. Frances hones her investigative tribe so with wrong answers. She is truly bored. Why is the hang man such a prevalent force and why did Frances have so many lovers? Frances wonders if the attachments were there, on any real level. This is a place for bards. There’s a horse event on at the moment. Frances will take the pony out. Frances yanked the pony and made it trot and she flicked the rope at it to gee it up, a bit lazy. Frances battled with all the selfish things she’d done like not gardening, not doing the laundry, not stripping her bed, she walked along angrily leaning on the prayer to give her temperament. Frances doesn’t love the horse as history has declared itself. In the past Frances used to pledge great passion for the beast, but this has passed. Frances struggled to keep her blood warm, finding a fuzzy stranger at her side, incentivising her inner strength not to act with callous feeling. Frances is devoid of the cares of doing, she has little devotion to placement or posing, trudging on with the true bait of seeing it out. Frances went near the event but did not visit it, like a greeting of retreating, she set back to the start without ever arriving. Frances had the dog with her so it was probably best she didn’t make it. Frances was glad to note she doesn’t have the same stock cubes; they’re from OXO. Frances got a certain sort of tickle In her throat one she is supposed to suppress. Frances breathes deeply. It’s for going to the toilet on the hour. Frances almost chokes but she pants a bit and it seems to almost go away so she keeps writing. Frances has a cup of tea, there’s an airplane in the distance, the feeling of choking comes and she says a prayer. Frances stares into space and wonders if it’s to do with coming off the pills. Frances is still in her Barbour. 3rd May. Bun asked Frances to go with him when he was coming up the stairs. He said it in an I’ve got a real treat for you way. Frances said she would like yeah. Bun and Frances went to Perth the following day after lunch and Bun kept saying he didn’t know what shop to go to. He wanted directions as if he should like to know what universe Frances lived in. Frances eventually said shopping centre after they had got it wrong in comet, the place he thought. Frances refused to look at the goods seriously and felt she was being led up the garden path. Frances doesn’t lie to play ‘follow me’ because it sets the chase. He said what car park and Frances said she didn’t have a brain. Bun said what would Beryl like to see at the theatre. On purpose he said the art shop was in south methane street so Frances had to say no it was in Scott street. Frances was being a real help with the mobile phone. All she wanted to do was shop for herself. Frances did most the talking in all the shops and on the way back they went into another car park and couldn’t get in or out. There were lots of cars. Frances wanted to get paint in the paint shop but it was closed. Bun bought a packet of two maltesers in Tesco’s that Frances ate. Then when he got back he said could Frances make white. Frances thought of pants. Bill kept asking idiot questions about what way to go and who to ring to ask and Frances couldn’t hear on the mobile anyway. Frances went for a walk when she got back. And bun said where did she go. Frances said ‘a walk’ twice. Frances said she saw a rainbow. He said ‘a which’. Frances said a rainbow, a bit like can you make white and promises to do with white lies and rainbows. Frances doesn’t really get all the religious cleverness that does sky injury to common understanding. Frances nearly bouldered her pants on the walk at ten past six. But she didn’t and came back to read Boris Johnson and then went to the pool for a swim. Tuesday. Frances is running wild, she has come off the medication and feels much better than. When will she get found out? Frances thinks it’s to do with blinking, she has to smoke instead. Frances wonders if she should fulfil religion or politics as a passion. She went to Perth at lunchtime and bought a top from TK Max, 2 cardigans from mice wand and some foundation. She got a points card from mcewans. The lady showed her what cardigans to buy and they were in the sale. Frances got a headache in mcewans so she rushed home without going to the paint shop. Frances went onto Facebook and there was an invitation to go camping holiday in France. Miller rang when Frances was on the computer and she wanted to know who was laying the floor to her house and told her she had driven herself back. Frances feels cold from last weeks house sitting. She is back in bed. Frances feels anxious about the non prescription. 6th May. Frances loves her new yellow jumper. She wonders if she could get Joanna Lumley to help her put on a production of a play in the garden or an opera. Drumlanrig. Frances has just written to Joanna to find out if they could be friends and arrange an opera or a film together. Frances sent her a card of a cow. Frances didn’t go to the edging about the deer. She stayed at home, made soup, made stock and wrote a letter. Frances lost a butterfly to her pearl earring in bed. She hasn’t found it. 7th May. Frances yelled at the dog in a most unbecoming manner when a Range Rover drove past but could t get by because the dog was darting all over the place. Frances cannot hope to befriend Joanna Lumley if she uses a voice like that Abba! Frances iPod has been infected with a virus that gives Frances prickles all over when she listens to it. Frances rang Margaret who had forgotten to turn up to her meeting at 2, she came out at 3. Frances watched Desperate Housewives last night and quite enjoyed it because the last few series have been a bit stressful. Frances doesn’t need to smoke now she is off the pills. Franc s has got a lovely jacket from Mcewans. Frances bought a make up bag from Crieff when she collected her prescription. She also got some carnation oil that she’ll put on her light bulbs. Frances went to the post office and saw the floor being laid. She took the bubbles up in her car even though she has been forbidden to drive. Frances got s letter from the DVLA saying she had to stop. Frances will ha e to wait until she can reapply. 8th May. Frances thinks of Peter Pan there’s going to be a theatre in the park at Kensington palace. Frances draws a picture of a puppet, the pages over. Frances has just made soup but she didn’t like the smell of the sesame oil; the only oil in the cupboard. Elizabeth rang to say that dinner was between 7.15 and 7.30. Frances had to pass the message on. Frances is looking at the scrap book she found in the pram. It has roses on it. With moths and butterflies. Frances is expecting to receive an edition of Vanity Fair. Frances was surprised by the reality of ER last night very home grown talent with ordinary people looking in it. Frances can’t describe very well, she’s feeling lazy. Frances is watching and listening to the rain pour down. 9th may. Frances got wet when she took the dog for a walk. She had a bath at half past five. Frances doesn’t really want to move home. She went there this morning and ate bassets fruit gums. The floor makes her feel sick. Frances turned on the radio and resented Jonathan Ross. She feels she may have grown out of him. Frances is looking forward to Has Britain got Talent. It is on this evening. There is a lot of rubbish at Frances post office. Frances will have to do lots of cleaning. She will have to paint the kitchen. There were two large eggs behind the fridge, they had been eaten by rats. Frances turned the fridge on. There is dust everywhere. Frances bought her wooly jumper back and put it in the wash. She has sent a text asking if she can stay from 20th-25th. She threw out a lot of magazines. There was even a small green bin. Lots of people have died in the past few weeks. Frances met a lady called Margaret in the garage. She said she remembered Frances from playgroup. Frances didn’t know what to do thereafter as she hasn’t got Margaret’s address. She wonders if she’s Ewan mcgregors grandmother.

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