In real life impromptu mating scenes aren’t attractive. You’re on a course doing Shakespeare with a bunch of samples, hoping to be asked to hop and skip. The weather is warm and the mood is frizzy. There’s a lockdown on charisma which means that pushing through isn’t likely.


Converseley you’ve been kidnapped for an hour by a Ford Focus. There’s a man posing as a dealer between you and Burt Bacharak. A theatre company has backed you as the new El Vira and the ferry leaves in five minutes.


Clairvoyant intercede, theres an alternative rescue. Your book has been brought to task by Ibsen. There’s a first night throng of desirables on the pavement outside The Almeida and a Poly is doing a test on it.


Take three years out to alay a heart attack. Mr Paunch is your long lost husband he is knackering the gin with pizzas and blizzards. There are two other leggies looking left over in Frankfurt, and your passport hasn’t renewed. They’re saying that 50 Shades of Grey is a work of fiction. But actually they were tied up this morning.


Mr Gonzalez wants to be French again, and he is gazing over the Eiffel Tower from Ryan Air. His girlfriend is an Alpine skier called Miss Ratigan. There are four places in the chalet, and the chair lift is broken.


A flood of applause follows the intentions of Ryan Air. Everyone has plans.   A flood of contention congeals the page of the porter. The baggages are all mixed up with ringtones.


The people of Action are planning to be back in bed by two am. It’s a stamina thing. The lazy people are recognizing stories which they can’t recount. Oh sure, it’s great to be home again. Some of them take sandwiches.


Well if we could teach the world to sing, then radio isn’t a problem. Neighbours are supposed to be all Marilyn Monroe. On Tyneside a boob tube will do though there’s a raucous version of feminine subtlety which only works alone in headphones.


Here comes the recording lab.   It stands in to edit the time.   With a half hour slot there’ll be baked Alaska.  Mr Gonzalez hopes his girlfriend can make him baked Alaska when they move to Greece. He expects to move into puddings.

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