How strong is Patient marriage.

The night is blackened from abdominal ovarian probing arrest, following a routine observation at the Dundee gyna-ecologist.  A decade before I had attended the building up a slope but recalled it as a dentist for the place is smaller than hospitals.  Dr Silva greeted me normally and was above confusion.  Permissions had been granted between public and private.   Healthcare systems.  She had been asked to look at an itchy bottom and do a smear.  Dryish at the front for a year and with less squirting.  

I have a small bottom

Dr Silva took notes

I haven’t had one for 10 years.  When you look can you tell me if it’s transgender.

We discuss mentality before I observe

I’m not drawn to you.

She had led me down the passage with sufficient poise.  Her nylon top was openly designed with vertical skin between two buttons down her back.

Half an hour passed with patient narrative, dr Silva then re-enters when I have a blanket on.  Prodding a red rash I look at her.  Another nurse is present for the bare experience.   They smile femininely, perhaps at a rubbing.  She says it’s normal.  It hasn’t been for a year but the symptom isnt her complaint.  In terms of my bottom it has been different from usual.  

It used to have lots of gel

Nurse opens a paediatric packet, showing a smaller than standard plastic funnel.  The sight of it defers to the better choice of a smear in The PRI under sedation.  Standard attempts over the years have been painfully abandoned.

When left to re-dress I re-emerge around the curtain with knee level pyjama trousers.  Two fingers of mine lift up the front while two other fingers splay more tissue to a round little stump.

What’s this nozzle?

Could this have been where it was sawn off?

It’s a clitoris said Dr Silva at the same time as the nurse said 

It’s where pee comes out.  

It was as if one truth was confirmed and the other spared. 

My period has dotty blood now.   I’ve had the last four months with periods.  First glimmer of surprise and interest.  Three years ago I had an implant in my arm, but they’ve come back.  Can I store my eggs?

I’m told I’m too old and it’ll probably be too expensive for me.  I’m wearing a Vivienne Westwood coat.  

Sad face

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